When I was enmeshed in my ex-teacher’s narrative, it never occurred to me that I couldn’t change my mind at will. Part of Doug’s schtick included the idea that all CTL members were “free to come and go through the CTL revolving door.” And we did come and go. We could withdraw our membership and rejoin whenever we wanted to. As long as Doug approved, of course...

One of the best things about post- cult life is that I get to exercise my ‘freedom of mind’ muscles and change my mind when I need or want to. Today, I’m aware that this change may appear contradictory or unprofessional - and I feel vulnerable doing it - but that's not stopping me.

I am home. And so are you, according to Indigenous wisdom. 

On my return flight - direct from Barcelona to Montreal - I watched four short films by Indigenous filmmakers*. One included a scene where a grandmother and a girl of about 6 years are doing chores. The girl seemed content but I sensed underlying pain. In the midst of wringing out the clothes, the girl suddenly blurts, “I want to go home.” The grandmother says calmly, “I am home” a couple of times.

My focus will be on trip preparations over the next few days. Wish me the capacity to focus, simplify and savor home and family before leaving it and them for ten days.