I Changed My Mind - Part Two 👣

When I was enmeshed in my ex-teacher’s narrative, it never occurred to me that I couldn’t change my mind at will. Part of Doug’s schtick included the idea that all CTL members were “free to come and go through the CTL revolving door.” And we did come and go. We could withdraw our membership and rejoin whenever we wanted to. As long as Doug approved, of course... 

I believed I was a fully autonomous adult back then. Had you asked me about brainwashing when I was a devoted student, I may have referenced the Manson family murders and what happened to Patty Hearst - extreme situations that masked the many parallels to my everyday cult reality. I now know that cultic indoctrination is a complex, nuanced process that is based on predictable human responses to coercive control. Although I appeared to have agency, I would not make a single important decision without confirmation from my dreams, as interpreted by Doug, my ex-teacher. 

In a conversation with a family member, a cult survivor was listing the things that she had to give up while under the grip of a controlling, narcissistic abuser. In addition to being isolated from friends, family and forbidden access to the internet, she said, “I had to give up having my own opinion.” I felt the impact of this statement like a punch in the gut. The control in this situation was extreme. Even having an opinion was verboten - because it challenged her abusers power.

“All abusers are coercive controllers,” stated Dr Christine Cocchiola in her stellar ICSA presentation, A Cult in the Home: Coercive Control of Children. In her presentation, I learned that it was Dr Evan Stark who pioneered the concept of coercive control through his studies of domestic violence to describe the psychological and physical domination that abusers use to punish their partners. Having an opinion is a punishable act.

Today, this survivor is free from the home-based cult that could have killed her, free from her abuser - and she’s reveling in a new favorite word:

Revocable.

Often used in legal systems, I too am enjoying this word.

I like the way it rolls off my tongue. I like how it can be pronounced ‘revekebel’ OR ‘revOkabe. Both are correct. I like how it’s used in legal documents - sometimes on its own and sometimes compared and contrasted with irrevocable - as in the kind of trust I should create for my kids, but haven’t yet. Most of all, I like what revocable means and how it can inspire action:

When something is revocable, you can cancel it. Terminate. End. Revoke. You can say, “Not anymore. I wanted this at one point but I changed my mind.”

It comes from the Latin, revocare which means ‘rescind, call back’. Vocare is related to vox, or voice. When we renounce something, we claim our authority and call it back. When we revoke, we speak. 

What do you have to say today? How has your own voice been liberated through a revocable declaration or decision? 

When did you last change your mind? Hit reply. I’d love to hear.