The Social Air We Breathe
Milieu - pronounced ‘mil you’ - is a funny French word - with a flair or formality - refering to the environment in which we live. I think of it as the social air we breathe. Milieu Control is one of the eight criteria of ‘brainwashing’ identified by Robert Jay Lifton in his research on communist China in the 1950s.
In the group I was in for eighteen years, we were taught to tattle on each other. “So and so did not show up for our scheduled mentoring session.” "So and so didn't write an email this week." Naturally, we were not outright told to rat on our friends, but when our ex-teacher talked about personal matters of fellow group members during therapy sessions that we paid him for, an unethical practice was normalized. Conformity followed - especially for those of us with increasingly higher levels of commitment. We were taught that it was “holding each other accountable to our homework.” Social pressure, group language and innuendo all contributed to the toxic coziness of our group culture.
The ever-present carrot of ‘spiritual freedom’ lured us into behaviors designed to maintain increasingly purer degrees of "spiritual integrity". While in the group, I never once thought of it as tattling - it was simply what we did. The milieu was crafted by my ex-teacher whose pockets we filled 💵...
Each cultic group has unique norms that are established and rarely questioned - but they are based on the same template. Cookie cutter groups.
But what about healthy environments? When you picture a social group that is largely free from nefarious forms of control, what comes to mind for you?!? 🤔 Do such places exist⁉️
I think the longevity studies that led to identifying “Blue Zones” (the subject of the Netflix Documentary) offer salient insight into human behaviors that are literally and figuratively life-affirming. Nourishing food. Active lifestyle. A sense of belonging. A sense of purpose. All these factors and more, create the idyllic life that produces more centenarians than anywhere else on earth. But let’s be real: no place is perfect. Ironically, one of the five ‘blue zones’ centers on a group that proselytizes their religion... and in all honesty, the lead guy on this project gives me the heebeegeebees. 😏
Truthfully, I don’t know enough to comment with any authority on the blue zones. But since I was a child, watching my 101 and 102-year-old cousins out in their garden, I have steadfastly believed I will live until 102. So…if my childhood clarity is prophetic, I have another 40 years in this body - which gives me a vested interest in creating and living as healthy a lifestyle as possible.
But here’s the million dollar question: How DO we create community that’s decidedly NOT culty and offers meaningful connections that affirm these beautiful yet challenging lives we are here to live today? What ARE the ingredients most important to you?
I’m thinking about this a lot these days, because I’m immersed in the current Connections program with a gorgeous group of writers. We are weaving our own little community through sharing our truths, our words. We’ve all be profoundly impacted by milieu control in the past. I’m committed to honesty, consent and clear boundaries and I know how messy humans can be. I don’t want to mess it up!
Share what is MOST important to you. I’d love to hear from you so post a comment blow.
