Between Brain and Breath
“Point and flex. Point and flex.” Andrea’s cheery voice encourages me as I lay, flat on my back, one leg straight in the air. A tiny rivulet of sweat drips from my pits. I’m in the fourth week of a month-long intensive and it feels good to say that I feel good. My back muscles are stronger than they were a month ago. I smile as I flex and then... a cramp seizes my foot. Yikes! I grit my teeth to power through, trying to point, but it only gets worse. I lower my leg, humbled. Flexing and pointing is off the table. I wiggle my foot, and breathe through the pain until it subsides.
The Strong Women, Strong Bones program orients me to take proactive care of my aging bones. I qualified for this course over a decade ago, but my denial was stronger then. Hindsight yammers on and on at me: why didn’t you start this sooner? Think about how much stronger and how much healthier you would be! It’s like what I said to myself a decade ago: Think about how much life you missed while trapped in that cult!
There’s no way to think ourselves out of what is already done.
We can, however, lean into our lessons learned to inform our current choices, increasing our odds for a healthier future. Right?!?
Well, I've learned that cramps happen in the emotional realm as much as in the physical. No matter how passionate or clear I am about my current choices, sometimes, out of the blue, a cramp stops me in my tracks.
For example: although I’m mostly at peace about the end of my work with #IGotOut, every so often I’m halted - by an ache, a wince or a pang... Throughout the months of leaving #IGotOut and launching Living Cult Free, I lurched between ON and OFF more than I want to admit. I walk a crampy, awkward path when I talk with someone whom I met through #IGotOut. But I know that sometimes in life, we just have to walk - and talk - through clunky past messes like these. When I do, I arrive at present day reality and breathe a sigh of relief. I find it’s so worthwhile to talk it through with anyone who cares to. If you want transparency around this topic, let’s talk.
And there’s good news: the cramps are lessening and I know why! After that strength class, Andrea told me that my foot cramp most likely occurred because I haven’t been using all my many, tiny foot muscles. When we wake them up, they complain. “Rather than letting it stop you entirely, try softly backing off,” she coached. “Allow your muscles to get re-oriented to activity. Keep your breath going. Be gentle. Slow the movement and don’t stretch as far. See if that helps.” It does help. It helps my feet and my communication! I’m finding muscles I didn’t know I had.
Perhaps the most frequently employed pattern used in controlling groups is “All or Nothing” (which is, of course, a close cousin to Us vs Them and Good vs Evil) For so many of us, ‘all or nothing’ is an ingrained pattern that dies hard. But I know for a fact that it IS possible to tame that beast. Pushing through the pain or stopping completely are two extremes that miss the gentler option of softly moving forward. In what ways are you doing this in your life today?
I’m discovering joy in waking up and softly ‘pointing and flexing’ these muscles. I believe they reside somewhere between my brain and my breath. I intend to exercise them regularly and I wonder what new strength I might discover…
I’d love to hear how you work through dualistic, polarized thinking - and how you flex and strengthen your muscles.
(Don’t be shy, you can simply click below and leave a comment. I truly love to hear from you.)
