I Wanna Dance! 💃

I want to dance! But I didn’t know ... til I finally got out of the box I put myself in.

Last week was ‘one of those weeks’.

I’m guessing you know what I mean. We’ve all had them, right?

There was no one thing. It was a confluence of conflict - both internal and ex, that piled up and derailed my joie de vivre.

My body wasn’t cooperating in multiple ways. My back ached. Knee too. And other inconveniences, too boring or embarrassing to mention. Technology snubbed my efforts for greater organization. My husband injured his shoulder and has been in more pain than I’ve ever seen him in. Car issues and road construction slowed me down. I collapsed on the proverbial couch in my therapist's office and wanted to curl up and disappear. I wrote in my journal: My belly feels queasy. I am uneasy.

But my downward spiral eased when I realized: I don’t want to walk with strangers - I want to DANCE!

Let me explain.

When Living Cult Free, the nonprofit I helped found, decided to do a cool event called Somatics with Friends I got excited. I imagined that I would create a public meetup for cult survivors and lead a 5 K walk on the Burlington Waterfront. Great idea, right?! Well, the weeks rolled by and I didn’t do a darn thing to organize it. And since the event is scheduled for May 18th, pressure was mounting. I was immobilized. Paralyzed by the descending funk I was in. Guilt was yammering at me but I still didn't do anything to organize it.

I was boxed in. The walls were closing in on me. Until finally, I had the wherewithal to STOP and LISTEN. That’s when it happened. With a guffaw and a wave of relief I stepped out of that box and immediately knew that I wanted to dance with my friends and neighbors. I didn’t want to organize a public 5 K walk because I don’t want to be with people I don’t know right now. It’s that simple. I don’t have to do what I don’t want to do. I’m not in a cult anymore! No one is expecting me to do anything that I don’t want to do. It’s my choice. BIG sigh.

I pivoted quickly and within 48 hours, made a plan to hold a dance party in my dear friend’s barn, right around the corner from our home. It will be simple. It will be FUN. I LOVE to dance and don’t do enough of it. It makes me happy to think about my small circle of friends and neighbors gathering with potluck snacks and drinks to celebrate cult free living. We will also raise a glass to my TEN YEAR anniversary of leaving the CTL, the cultic group I was a part of for 18 years! YA HOO!!

Sometimes a hard week is redeemed by a good lesson learned. That was my experience. How about you? Do you ever put yourself in an unnecessary box? 

Let me know. I'd love to not feel like I'm the only one.