At this time

Most mornings, I slip out the front door in my pajamas - and I walk. Most of the time, my feet travel the very same route and I pause at the very same spot. My 'place of pause' - and what happens there - is what I want to share with you, bit by bit, over the course of this month. Honestly, I thought about sharing it last year, but I didn’t. Why? Let me count the reasons: 

  1. When I tried to write about it, I tensed. I met a block.

  2. I worried that you’d find me too woo-woo.

  3. It felt too private, too personal. 

  4. I just wasn’t ready. 

But a lot has shifted this past year. Although I still have writing blocks, I don’t fret about them as much. I trust that what I manage to write will find home. I’m more secure in my own skin and I care less about your potential judgments of me and more about how you and I are fellow survivors, learning and growing from the murky waters of cultic involvement. If my skills and quirky style are a good fit for you, beautiful. I love the dance of discovery with clients and writers. But if we're not a good fit, that’s beautiful too - because now I can joyfully say: there are lots of options for survivors! (LMK if you want to brainstorm resources - I love making referrals.)

About a year ago, someone I respected criticized me - not only for my writing style but also for my choice to publicly share something they thought should be private. But for me, transparency is a core value - one that I look for in the organizations and relationships I engage with.

So, today, I’m putting my values first and holding my feet to the vulnerability fire to share what happens in my morning spot in the woods. On the face of it, I simply look like a woman standing, enjoying the scenery. But there's more than meets the eye:

I step over the tree a beaver left behind. As my foot meets the earth on the other side, I know that I’m home. My home away from home. (I just took an involuntary deep breath.) I gaze through the trees and across the long view of the pond. I seek the familiar double tips of the balsam fir tree - tucked back in the woods near the eastern shore. She stands in her spot and I in mine. And then my prayer begins.

 Oops. I didn’t mean to use that word. But I can’t think of a better one that describes what takes place in my heart and in my mind as I stand there. Gratitude is too simplistic. Meditation too vacant. 

I drink in my surroundings, feel my feet firmly on the ground, and I give thanks for being alive. I give thanks for all the forms of life that surround me: The plants - from the lichen to towering maples. The beings of water and of air. The creepy, crawly and buzzing insects. The four-legged critters - everyone from the tiny field mouse to the majestic moose. And for all us humans. 

And then comes my deep felt gratitude for being alive at this time. I feel - and often whisper it out loud - thank you for giving me life, that I might BE at this time

Yes, it’s a messy, scary, complicated, tragically uncertain time we are living in, but it's also incredibly beautiful and I am here, doing the work that I love, the work that I’m here to do, to the best of my ability. Day after day. 

Most weeks, I write more directly about cult dynamics. But it’s December - my birthday month, the holidays month, and a month before a monumental change in US history. I feel tender when I think of you-who-reads-my-words, especially these days. There’s a lot coming at us and I hope you will take refuge in your own tender heart, in your own words, in whatever 'places of pause' you can carve out for yourself. 

I hope you don’t mind my more inward focus today. 

I hope you will mind your process. How is it for you to be alive at this time? Please do share. Come write with me, ok? 

Gerette Buglion

Gerette Buglion wants to live in a world where cult leaders, narcissistic abusers, and unethical, manipulative marketing techniques are spotted, called out, and silenced, creating more opportunities for nourishing relationships to flourish. Her work as educator and consultant centers on liberation from coercive control and supporting the integrative power of writing for survivors of cultic relationships through Writing to Reckon™ programs. Her passion for understanding influence and human behavior is at the core of her favorite conversations. She is a Co-founder and Executive Director for the nonprofit Living Cult Free and author of An Everyday Cult, her memoir and Writing to Reckon Journal - for Survivors of Spiritual, Religious and Cultic Abuse. Gerette’s Writing to Reckon™programs have been helping writers find their voice since March, 2020.

https://gerettebuglion.com
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