How I Face-off for My Freedom
Truth be told: writing is hard for me - not always, but more than I like to admit. But I just did. I said, ‘writing is hard for me.” out loud. Grocery shopping can be hard for me too - but I have to do it.
For me, writing is a necessity.
Written and spoken words are central to who I am, maybe who I’ve always been and certainly who I expect to be in the foreseeable future. You might remember how I fantasized about writing and selling poems as a youth. Today, I write you letters every week.
There was a time when I wrote under the influence. I remember spending countless hours writing and re-writing emails to my ex-teacher and the cultic tribe I was enmeshed in for so many years. I was desperate to get it right, to prove my devotion to my teacher and fellow group members. Back then, I didn’t know I was writing into a vacuum of right and wrong - extremes that served as supposedly “moral” and “ethical” guidelines dictated by a teacher who liked me to be compliant. A diligent student, I was compelled to work harder, spend more money, and dig deeper. My fingers were rubbed raw by all that scrubbing.
What’s different today?
The wordsmith hangs over my shoulder at times - like the grim reaper. It's not uncommon for me to face-off with a tormentor who shames me for not finding the right word and points his bony finger at the glaring grammar glitches and misspellings. But that doesn’t stop me. Am I a masochist? No. I am a writer. Through the hundreds of writers in the cult recovery space who I’ve had the honor of meeting and writing with, I know I’m not alone. Some of us just have to write - to find the words, to speak them one way or another. Writing honestly relieves burdens and saves lives.
My words are not generated by AI. They rise from the water of my soul. They splash onto the page and some of them land in your inbox. Some of them land in books. Some of them stay trapped in files on my computer or stranded in journals or on scraps of paper that flutter off my desk like leaves from my open window.
The wordsmith tormentor is likely to keep showing up, but I won't, I can’t let it stop me. Today I write for inner freedom, because I know what it is for my thoughts and words to be mocked, hijacked and turned against me. Having broken those chains once, twice, thrice, I am compelled now to let the heart fingers of my writing seek a match. Writing strengthens my own sense of self which ignites my passion for lifting up the written word. Sometimes you read my words and they mingle like water with your thoughts and sometimes you write back to me. I love this exchange.
It's this reciprocity that inspires me to create the Writing Symposium. I’m over-the-moon excited to announce the very special speaker’s list - and I think you will be excited to! But, I can’t tell you quite yet... Soon! Please save the date and stay tuned. September 28th from 1-4 pm ET.
This will be an opportunity for all of us to learn from those who have walked through the very same dynamics that all survivors of cultic abuse have endured. These speakers have found successful ways to harness the written word to support their integration and freedom andthey will be sharing their wisdom with all of us!
You will be the first to know the lineup - in the next few weeks. Promise.
In the meantime, I'd love to hear your questions and thoughts about how you face off with the grim reaper to claim your freedom.
Go ahead. If you made it this far, hit reply and let me know. I truly want to hear. You make my day.
