CONTEXT is everything
I’m on a mission to befriend my nervous system and apparently, I’m not alone.
Dr. Deb Dana - a respected expert on Polyvagal Theory, wrote a book titled: Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System which I borrowed from my therapist. Since I often read in the bathtub, it looks like I will need to buy her a new copy and keep this one. Which is perfectly fine by me. It’s a gem of a book. 📖
In it, Dana writes that there are three elements for well-being that are directly related to the nervous system. They are: Context, Choice and Connection. Three choice c-words. Today, I’m all about the first one: CONTEXT. I’ve always had what I thought was an annoying need for context.
When a close friend moves to a new place, I need to visit, so I can experience their new digs. I need to be able to picture them where they are. 🏠 When a scheduling change happens, I want to know “Why?” If I’m learning something new, I want to know how it relates to something else. Where? Why? How? ⁉️
For eighteen years, in the cultic group, I was scolded and shamed countless times for these questions. “Mind your own business, Gerette. Focus on your own work.” Thankfully, those days are long gone. Today, I’ve learned that my need for context is healthy instinct. 🌟 I now aim to notice when appropriate context is NOT given - because it just might be a flag saying, 🚩“I’m withholding information in order to control you!” Or it might be an honest omission.
Like what happened yesterday. Someone decided not to attend a meeting that I was excited about and I felt unsettled because she didn’t say why. I wondered if I did something wrong, or if she was avoiding me. Turns out, she wasn’t feeling well. No biggie. When proper context is given, there’s no waiting around for the pendulum to swing or whack me in the head.
“We get cues of safety from explicit communication of the details surrounding an interaction,” writes Deb Dana.
And just like that: with accurate, contextual information, my nervous system can be at ease, regulated. ☺️ No need to spin tales or worry. I’m learning that the people around me who I trust the most and who I can be the most myself with, are those who naturally and easily offer context in our interactions and don't bristle when I ask questions.
These relationships are ballast in life’s storms, settling my nervous system, bringing joy, safety and love.
My daughter gave me a hand silk-screened poster for Christmas. It bears a vibrant sunflower 🌻 and the words: a great unstoppable LOVE. The best part hides on the back where she wrote: Mama, Your love has, and continues to sustain me. Thank you for being that unstoppable love in my life. 🥰
Safe people settle me. I’m dedicated to nurturing these relationships and all that sprouts from them in 2025 as part of my commitment to personal wellbeing.
And I extend this commitment to you, by maintaining safe spaces to write and by choosing top-notch, caring people of integrity to speak at the Spring Writing Symposium. Starting this week, I'm eager to explore the content of their presentations with them, to assure their respective expertise will weave together, creating a dynamic experience for participants.
This dynamo, international team of author-survivors spans the spectrum of cultic experience. Wanna try to guess who they are?? Hit reply, to guess or tell me who you most want to hear from!
What people, places or beings will settle your nervous system in 2025?
P.S. FIND Deb Dana's work at Rhythm of Regulation.
WRITE with me and other safe people. REGISTER TODAY.
ASK me how you can purchase Uncle Erik's gorgeous poster, A GREAT UNSTOPPABLE LOVE.
🌟 COMMIT to identifying the safe people who settle your nervous system and CONNECT with them today. 🌟
