PROJECT MISUNDERSTOOD

John, a beloved member of my chosen family leapt from a precipice to his death on a blustery spring day. Although he lived in the cabin in my backyard just months earlier, a hidden hierarchy had obscured my ability to perceive that he was suicidal. At the top of that hierarchy was the man who I called my teacher for 18 years. I left him and his devotees a year after this tragic and perhaps preventable loss. After I got out, I woke up to the realization that I had been in a cult.

A few years later, during the process of writing my memoir and speaking to other ex-members, questions were set free from what had previously been a trapped, succinct narrative about John’s destiny: “Our family has done everything possible for John. Now, it’s up to him to fight for his own life. He has to choose to do the work or not.” (The work was the psychological/spiritual doctrine created by our ex-teacher.)

When I learned that some members of the “family” had engaged in a suicide watch for John, I wondered, “Why was I not told this when he lived in my backyard?”

When I learned that our teacher had “fired” John, telling him “Since you’re not doing your work, I can no longer support you.” I gasped at this cruelty and wondered about the hell our teacher had created in John’s psyche.

When I learned that John had sought help from a psychiatrist in the months leading up to his suicide, I wondered if this doctor understood the complex psychological disturbance caused by cultic involvement. Did she know that John had spent two decades devoted to a controlling leader? Did she know how John was yanked from being revered to being humiliated on a daily basis? Did she know that John sought our teacher’s guidance for every aspect of his life: family, work, pleasure, and financial? Did she know that John was expected to repeat the personal lessons he received from our teacher - dozens of times each day - to remind him that his only chance in truly succeeding as a man of God in this life would be to follow this strict protocol day in and day out? Is it possible for a psychiatrist to recognize cultic involvement when the patient does not recognize it as such? I don’t know.

I do know, however, that there are many, many people who sought help after getting out of a controlling group and the help they received was insufficient or injurious. Reasons for this deficit in mental health systems are complicated and beyond the scope of this book. I am clear, however, that this deficiency is NOT the fault of the helping professionals themselves. Through my work in cult recovery, education and writing classes, I am privy to many stories of people receiving the essential support they need through therapists, educators, doctors and social workers. Unfortunately, I have also witnessed numerous heartbreaking stories of helping professionals inadvertently causing shame, confusion and pain that further alienates the survivor, making professional support ineffective and even harmful at times.

We have arrived at a point in human history where we finally recognize that cultic and spiritual abuse and religious trauma exist on a large scale, but we do not yet have the systems and structures in place to assure that therapists, medical staff, clinicians, educators, and social servants of all kinds have the training and knowledge that will support them to truly meet the needs of this population. Most social services, mental and physical health systems are in need of an all-encompassing overhaul to address the complexity and severity of issues we face today. It will likely be years before training in coercive control and religious trauma becomes mainstream. In the meantime, it’s my hope and goal that this book will help to close that gap.

Who is the best teacher on these issues? In my mind, there’s no one better equipped to offer perspective than the survivors themselves. This anthology is dedicated to providing a platform for survivors who have been misunderstood while seeking support to let their voices be heard by those who have the capacity to change and improve. This collection of voices seeks to inspire and support those who support others by offering concrete examples of what worked, what caused further harm, and what simple changes can go a long way towards authentic healing. Throughout this volume, readers will travel the depths of lived experiences, hopefully emerging with greater emotional intelligence around interacting with and supporting those impacted by undue influence. These stories, combined with commentary by respected and experienced therapists are directed towards helping professionals of all kinds, in a gesture of reciprocity, gratitude and respect for their professional choices. As societies recalibrate their mental and medical health systems, it is our hope that this book will become a beloved resource for all whose goal it is to help.

~Gerette